I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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