The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
