she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
