He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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