So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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