You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
