Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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