i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
