I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
