so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
