This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
