Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
