like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
