dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
