I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
