he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
