Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
