if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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