Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
