I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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