So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
