A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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