I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
