Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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