I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
