I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
