i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
