He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
