There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
