a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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