I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
