So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
