if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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