you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Two words: blizzard sex
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
