Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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