So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
