Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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