Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
