before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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