is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
