i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
