that's an acceptable place to lick
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
