Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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