oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
