I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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