Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
