If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think your dad took our porno
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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