I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
