So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
