We're facebook friends in real life
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
