thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i out mim tonsoeep
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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